Oddy
Playwriter
I'll drip if you swirl.
Posts: 20
|
Post by Oddy on Mar 6, 2018 2:52:55 GMT
This is going to be a bit of a mega thread for all of my works, mostly unfinished scribblings, but hell. I figured I might as well share my brain children and help start the ball rolling!
Table of Contents:
|
|
Oddy
Playwriter
I'll drip if you swirl.
Posts: 20
|
Post by Oddy on Mar 6, 2018 2:53:19 GMT
This is the origin story of one of my favorite D&D characters, Xan Amakiir. His tale is a fun one, and I hope that my affinity for storytelling works just as well in this type of setting as it does in others.
All readers and reviewers are appreciated <3
EDIT: Copied over from PC so if you notice any weird formatting issues, let me know!
Escape from Amakiis Xan’s Tale
Chapter One: Voices in the darkThe sound of the dark lake crashing against the rocky shores of Amakiis island echoed up the grey slate stone walls of Amakiir manor and up through the open windows of the small bedchamber that a young silver-haired Drow boy called his own. Being born into the royal family of house Amakiir at least had the benefit of allowing him to even have a room of his own. Most Drow weren't even allowed such. Well, perhaps it would be more accurate to say most male Drow weren’t allowed such.
Drow society was, of course, an extremely female oriented one. Being centered around the goddess Lolth, Queen of Spider’s and her priestesses, it really wasn’t a hidden fact that the society was a highly sexist one as well. Males were slaves and breeding tools. Females were rulers and priests, sent to do the deeds of their matron mother’s will in the material plane. A fact which had been drilled into his skull for the past forty-three years of his extended elven life.
The loud shouts of several guards and clanging and clinking of metal chains on stone began to wake Xan from his sleep. His room was illuminated by the dull purple half-light of the time stone on the table next to his bed, causing his grey eyes to sparkle with an almost amethyst Colour in the light. He swung his bare feet onto the cool stone floor and slowly lumbered over to the door. Pressing an ear up against the fungal wood he could hear the voices on the other side more clearly.
“Try anything like that again, and we’ll remove your head from your shoulders disgusting devil spawn.” A deep female voice hissed, slightly muffled by the face masks that the guards of Amakiis wore.
“I say we should remove something else to teach him a lesson!” Another, obviously agitated, woman growled, the same slight muffledness coming from her.
“Heh. Try it you spider bitch. I bet I can give you a similar cut and have you match your friend over there before you’ve even drawn that pretty little knife of yours.” A new voice chuckled. This time it was unspoiled, belonging to a young man of some form, and there was an unfamiliar accent to the voice that Xan couldn’t place. He certainly wasn’t from anywhere Xan recognized… and something about the voice was almost hypnotic.
“Why you…” The second woman growled, as the sound of a slap reverberated through the air.
“Verren. Ellera. Are you quite finished?” The familiar raspy voice of Xan’s mother and the matron mother of the island called out from somewhere down the hall, half amused, half annoyed by the events transpiring.
“S-sorry Matron! Won’t happen again!” Both women exclaimed with a slight air of fright in their voices before the sound of rustling chains could be heard.
“It had better not.” She responded as her footsteps began to echo down the hall away from Xan’s door.
“Oh, are we done having fun already? I was just getting started.” The slave stated snarkily as he grunted presumably due to the bindings and chains around him.
“Shut up and move it.” The first woman demanded as the sounds of metallic links dragging across the floor was made audible once more.
“Oh my, I do like a girl who takes charge.” The slave remarked bemusedly.
“Disgusting creature.” The first woman snarled, her voice sounding as if she had just looked at the offspring of an ogre and goblin.
“Oh, come now, we Tieflings aren’t that bad really. I mean the horns make excellent handh-” Xan’s grin grew larger as he heard the sound of a boot hitting flesh and the male slave groaning in a kind of agony that one only ever hears from males.
“I was talking about men. Now walk.” The woman responded calmly.
The male didn’t respond, but the occasional grunt was heard as a sharp tug on the chains was given, obviously as a form of amusement for the escorts.
Xan pulled himself back. New slaves were always interesting to him. The last batch they had acquired were the Duergar twins they had captured after seizing the stronghold of the ember king, and they had been thrown into the fighting pits against an umber hulk without any weapons.
He couldn’t help but to smile at the memory. The sound of screaming duergar was always one that would amuse any Drow.
Xan walked over to his desk and scribbled a note to read up on whatever a “Tiefling” was however. It certainly wasn’t a race he was familiar with. Perhaps this slave was captured travelling across the dark lake? Maybe he would have to find out what cell the slave was being kept in…
The gradual shift of the rooms hue from purple to red caused him to glance back at the time stone.
“Oh, son of a- Father is going to have me clean the privies for being late. As if dealing with the repercussions of a missing stitch on mother’s gown wasn’t bad enough” Xan swore as he stumbled over to his wardrobe and began tearing through in a mad dash attempt to find a suitable outfit.
Throwing his simple sleepwear onto the bed and pulling on his custom-tailored silk daywear, Xan set his dark purple skinned hands on the smooth black iron handle on the door and braced himself for whatever the day would bring, but as he began to head out he couldn’t help himself but to think back to the strange hypnotic voice that he had heard earlier. Who was their new slave? Where had he come from? What was he doing in Amakiis? Xan’s mind was ablaze with questions.
|
|
Oddy
Playwriter
I'll drip if you swirl.
Posts: 20
|
Post by Oddy on Mar 6, 2018 3:01:34 GMT
This one is something I was writing while getting ideas and inspiration for one of my homebrew games. (I play a lot of D&D if you haven't gathered.)
Rogue An Arynian Story
Chapter One: Little FoxFootsteps splashed through the rain covered streets. The young boy held his breath as he narrowly turned the corner and entered the alleyway to his left. He was almost there. Just a few more feet…
“Get back here street rat!” Several voices shouted from behind him. “Filthy thief!” The shrill voice of a woman cried out.
Why couldn’t these people ever just look the other way? It was a couple piece of fruit! Come on!
He saw the crates up ahead grow closer. His feet easily propelled him upwards as he hopped from one to the next and onto the roof of the next building over. The rain made the tiles slick to walk across, but he knew better than to slip. The last time he had gotten caught he spent a week locked in the stocks, and it wasn’t a memory he was fond of. It was hard to realize exactly how disgusting some people could be, and how despicable others could be for allowing them to be that way and looking the other way.
He stopped moving. Why had the voices quit following him? Turning around, he saw nothing trailing behind him. Cocking his head to the side, the boy began to continue forward quietly, the rainwater soaking into his clothes as he moved. Had something else caught their attention? No… surely the Changebringer couldn’t be looking on him that much.
However, it seemed as if that was exactly the case. As the young boy arrived at the boarded-up window of his abandoned attic home, he easily slid through the window and nimbly landed on the wooden floor below. Striking a match and lighting the lantern on the rotted old stool, the boy began to dump the stolen goods onto the blanket made a bed as he began to strip the soaking wet clothes from his body and toss them over the rope that hung loosely between the rafters.
As the boy removed the hood which he’d been wearing, two orange and white furred ears were released from their clothlike prison. He began to rub the sore furred appendages as he opened an ancient and cracked wooden trunk placed in a dark corner of the room. The top layer of the chest was covered by an extremely worn set of simple cloth clothes that he began to quickly slip on. Once he had finished adorning himself in his eveningwear, the child looked at the singular object that remained in the chest. A cheap looking brass amulet that was missing the chain. Reaching out, the boy fumbled with the tiny latch on the side of the locket. On the inside were an engraving and a small sketch of a baby fox.
“To Kirran my precious little fox; No distance is too great for you. We may be worlds apart, but I will always be in your heart.”
“I love you too mother,” Kirran whispered as he stared at the engraving with a sorrowful nostalgia.
With one last sad look, he placed the amulet back into the chest before closing it with a loud creaking noise. Shuffling over to his makeshift bed, he reached under a homemade pillow of a dirty sack stuffed with what appeared to be various wild feathers and pulled out a small simple looking knife.
Returning to the fruit that he had absconded with, he began to cut up a pear and eat it, his stomach happy to finally have some sustenance after the long day’s work. Once he had finished his hard-earned meal, he scooped the pieces of remaining fruit into a pile at the base of the bed for breakfast. Tomorrow he’d have to certainly get more. However, tomorrow was the Summers Crest festival. He ’s certainly been able to find some drunkards with loose coin purses hanging about. Maybe he could even get a sweet roll!
The idea of the hot cinnamon frosted cake burning in his mind, Kirran blew out his lantern before laying down to sleep.
|
|
Oddy
Playwriter
I'll drip if you swirl.
Posts: 20
|
Post by Oddy on Mar 23, 2018 9:25:34 GMT
Holy crap I actually finished Chapter Two. Here we encounter the next character in our fun little roster, as well as push the story gently towards the exciting pinnacle of this arc. Comments, Advice, Constructive things are very welcome.
Rogue An Arynian Story
Chapter Two: Summerscrest
It was strange, seeing the normally grumpy city in such a festive mood. Rose was sure that had she not been here with lady Myra, she might have even been able to enjoy herself, but for now, she had a job to do.
“Lady Myra, perhaps we should be getting to the Zweispires before they begin the celebrations.” The squire stated nervously as she glanced around, the crowd of people filled with more shapes and forms than she could keep track of.
“Look Rose, aren’t these the cutest!” The squire turned to see the blue haired lady of house Azreal whom she was currently squiring for staring in awe at a stuffed unicorn doll hanging in the window of a market stall. “I think Looney would love these.” The plump shopkeeper turned to face the cheery woman in the pink dress.
“Oh! Lady Myra, what an honor miss!” He exclaimed in a jolly manner as he pulled one of the stuffed dolls down. “For you, no gold necessary.”
“Sir please, allow me to pay for the lady’s doll.” Rose responded as she pulled a small pouch from her belt and stepped forward.
“Nonsense both of you, a lady of house Azreal can pay for her own trinkets.” Myra calmly replied as she gently pushed her squire aside. “Here is one silver piece, please keep any change kind sir.”
“Far too kind my lady, I am humbled by your service.” The man stated with a bow as the two ladies stepped away from his stall.
As the two ladies continued onwards, the large crowd of people pushing their way through the Market District of Zlane, spilling across the Law-bearers threshold in an ocean of color and flesh. Rose panicked when she nearly lost sight of Myra, only to see the woman in the bright pink dress simply speaking to a merchant off to the side.
“Lady Myra, could you please refrain from speaking every merchant as we pass by? We’ll never make the gala if we don’t make haste.” She groaned as she managed to pull the noble away once more. With a sigh, the blue haired lady stopped to place a hand on Rose’s shoulder.
“I understand that my sister made you my squire because she thinks that you can protect me, but I assure you Rose, I am a fully trained knight. I can more than handle myself. Even in a dress. You should learn to live a little. Lighten up, not everything is a threat.” Mira addressed. “Besides, it’s Summerscrest. It only comes once a cycle. I may not have gotten you to wear a dress like a normal girl, but I’d rather sell my tongue to a hag than let you get away with not giving me a dance.” Mira teased.
“…you’re right. I’m sorry lady Myra.” Rose sighed as she shook her head. “I’m just… still getting used to being a squire. Two weeks ago I was washing dishes for your mother.”
“Firstly, it’s just Myra. We’re friends. By the platinum dragon, we practically grew up together. The estate isn’t a big place.” Myra clarified, rolling her eyes as they continued walking. “Secondly, it’s not a huge deal. It just means you need to start being more… knightly. Doing… knight things.”
“Like riding Faelona?” Rose asked with a half smile as she saw Myra begin to bounce with excitement at the thought of her steed.
“Yes! Exactly! We’ll have to get you your own Pegasus eventually, but you should learn how to ride her, and maybe even handle a spear while you’re flying around!” Myra giggled as she half dragged Rose forwards.
“Stop! Thief!” A raspy male voice cried out from the crowd. Both girls quickly turned in that direction, and Rose drew her sword. A small form quickly attempted to rush past them.
“Stop by order of the knights of Azrael.” Myra commanded as Rose snatched at the tunic of the figure running past. As the figure attempted to pull away, the point of the sword was quickly dug into it’s back. Uneasily, the figure raised its hands into the air, shaking nervously.
“Turn around slowly.” Rose demanded, and as the figure slowly turned around the sight of the two woman that stopped him, it seemed to avert its gaze to the ground.
Swiftly following the figure, a balding man with thick rimmed spectacles broke through the crowd and snatched at the coin purse still clutched within the dirty fingers. “Let go of my purse you little street rat.” The man hissed in a nasally voice. Turning toward the ladies, the figure quickly changed his attitude. “My gratitude, lady Myra. This street rat has been causing quite a few issues throughout the district all day.” He avowed.
“Actually, I think you’ll find it was my squire that did most of the work.” Myra responded kindly, stepping forward towards Rose.
“Ah yes, my apologies miss ‘Rose’.” The man responded. Two armed guards quickly stepped into the crowd and instantly turned to Myra and Rose.
“Our dearest apologies ladies, we can take it from here.” They quickly interjected grabbing hold of the figures arms. “It’s to the Iron oubliette with you vermin.” They growled.
With a quick look from Myra, Rose quickly spoke up. “Actually, I believe we’ll be taking them ourselves. After all, I think it’s only proper that the watch be properly informed that without our interference that this thief would have gotten away on your watch.”
“I-wh-you-“ One of the guards stammered quickly before releasing the arm of the thief they had been holding. “As you command ladies. Do allow us to search it and cuff it so that it doesn’t try to escape.” The second guard insisted.
“Quickly.” Myra instructed, and the guards began to pat the figure down before locking a pair of steel manacles around its wrists.
“Safe journeys madams, and you, don’t go causing any more trouble or I’ll have your head.” The guard spat as he kicked the figure in the shin, earning a quiet yelp from the hooded form.
As the two guards began to speak to the crowd and cause them to walk away, Myra turned to Rose whom had been given the small chain which connected to the manacles. “My it sure is late isn’t it. I suppose we’d better be heading for the Zweispires.”
“Shouldn’t we be taking…” Rose began, before being interrupted by Myra. “Oh no, there’s no time for that. I guess they’re just your charge now.” She chuckled with a wink as she began to walk away.
“Of course” Myra sighed to herself before looking at the thief. “It’s your lucky day I guess.” She groaned as they began following Myra. “Do you have a name?” She asked as the figure followed silently.
“…” The thief didn’t respond, or even look up from the ground.
“Right.” Rose concluded.
|
|
Oddy
Playwriter
I'll drip if you swirl.
Posts: 20
|
Post by Oddy on Apr 9, 2018 4:15:11 GMT
Oh man! Chapter three finished! Bit of a rushed ending, but man oh man, it clocked in at 2703 words. That's almost 3x as many as chapter two. I'm super hyped to begin to write the next chapter. This story is coming together great in my head! As always, constructive feedback is more than welcome, remember, I force myself not to edit these too much so that I can finish the story first before I go back and tinker with things! So this is going to be a bit rough! <3
Rogue An Arynian Story
Chapter Three: Superia
He moved quietly alongside the two lady knights. The chains around his hands hurt, the padding of his coat was only a minor boon. How had he been stupid enough to try and go for that? He was losing his touch. Where were they going? The Iron oubliette was the other way… they were heading towards the Zweispires? There was a special gala for the nobles, wasn’t there. Kieran quietly turned his head and perked up his ears to try and hear what the two women were talking about.
“…No! Absolutely not! I can’t believe you’d even suggest such a thing.” Rose gagged as Myra began to laugh hysterically.
“Felo isn’t bad looking at all though! I mean, the dark hair and goatee does scream evil mastermind, but I mean at least he’s not his father.” Myra responded through laughs.
He rubbed his wrists as they began to approach the large wall cutting the Zweispires off from the rest of the city. Kieran looked around nervously. He hadn’t been here before, He didn’t like that. He wouldn’t know any ways to escape and get home. His eyes suddenly focused on the two halberd wielding guards that raised their weapons as the ladies neared the main threshold.
“Hail, Azraelian Knights inbound.” The guards shouted as they all began to pass underneath the wall. The tunnel was dimly lit by candlelight, but Kieran’s eyes were accustomed to the dark. They quickly exited the other side. A crowd of people was gathering; however, the knights didn’t have to ask for it to part. Kieran felt his chain get tugged closer as the brown-haired knight whispered for him.
“Today’s your lucky day. We won’t be free to get to the oubliette until after the gala. Until then, you’ll be my ward. So, don’t do anything stupid and enjoy the fact that you’re not spending Summerscest in prison.”
Kieran nodded in response. He wasn’t going to risk anything in the Zweispires. They could cut him down without any cause if they really wanted.
“Come on lovebirds. We’re due up this way.” Myra called to the two of them from ahead. The trio were ushered towards the front of the crowd, where Kieran caught sight of several familiar faces. The High Priestess of the order of the Crimson Raven Zeki, The Archmagister Valanthe, Law master Alwyn Jr… all seven council members appeared to be present. Most of the crowd had gathered in front of a large decorative pond, behind which a large stage had been constructed for the festival. Cherry trees lined the sides of the cobbled courtyard, shielding the base of the two towers from view until one wished to enter them. The walkways above them cast slight shadows over the courtyard, however arcane lights seemed to drift around in order to keep everything well-lit during the festivities.
“Myra, Rose. About time that you could join us” A voice called from the crowd of councilmen. The longer blue haired Azrael sister looked down upon them, standing a few inches above her younger sister’s head.
“Sorry Moonie!” Myra half giggled as she slid beside her sister. “How’s Arden?” The younger sister called, sliding her hand around the older girl’s waist.
“Still kicking and fighting for justice… and avoiding Luna’s death glares.” The dark teal skinned fish-elf grins as she puts her hand on Rose’s shoulder, causing her to jump. “Who is your friend Squire?”
“He’s-” Rose stops, trying to figure out how to phrase things correctly.
“Her boyfriend.” Myra teases from next to her sister.
“Myra!” Rose scoffs in an annoyed tone.
“My name is Kieran.” The boy whispers, his hood still pulled tightly over his head. “I am honoured that lady Rose is allowing me to attend.” His voice unwavering as he skillfully navigates his way through the lie.
“Well I’m glad you could join us Kirran.” The fish-elf responds, bowing politely. Her heavy metal armor creaking from the strain, causing a few people to look in their direction.
“Ah! Lady Azreal and company.” A pallid skinned elderly man with a goatee said as he began approaching them. He was in his late sixties, if not early seventies. He bore the familial crest of house Superia, a singular dragon fang hanging from his neck. He wore stuffy looking cotton clothes, which seemed out of place between all the other nobles and diplomats of the area. “A pleasure you could make it. This cycle has been difficult for many of us, but Summerscrest is a chance for new beginnings.”
“Lord Talvin, it’s a pleasure to see you outside of work.” The older Azrael sister responds calmly. “Any luck with your vigilante hunting?” She asks with an air of intrigue in her voice.
“As of yet, I’m afraid we haven’t had much luck. It would be a great boon if you were to lend the Pegasus knights aide in hunting down these criminal scum, but I understand that they have much more important duties, escorting… peasantry into the Zweispires and such.” The elderly man’s eyes locked with the hooded form of Kirran. “I’m sure you have your reasons of course my dear.” He smiles to Rose with a slight unapproving curl at his lips that would have gone unnoticed by most.
“Father, you’re needed on stage.” A redheaded woman in a lavender gown called from a small walk away. She waved towards the elderly Superia man, she herself sharing many of the same facial features.
“Ah, coming Saaline daughter darling.” Talvin responded, as he turned towards the ornately dressed woman. “If you’ll excuse me ladies. I’m due for a speech.” The elderly man responded before beginning to walk away from the group.
“Have I ever told you that guy gives me the creeps?” The Fish-Elf said plainly after he was a considerable distance away. Her comment earned her a glare from the older Azreal sister, resulting in her shrugging her shoulders. “Hey, you and I both know he’s shady as the nine.”
“Arden please. Not now.” Luna sighed, rolling her eyes once again. Her plate armor was almost an identical copy to that of her wife’s, spare the blue heart motif that Arden’s armor bore was replaced by the Fist of Justice, the sigil of house Azreal.
Kirran looked between the group of people he’d found himself with and realized that he was sweating profusely. A councilwoman, two highly trained knights, and a knight in training. How did he manage to screw up bad enough to get himself into this predicament?
“Quiet. I think the old goat’s speech is starting.” Myra whispered as the groups eyes were all drawn towards the central stage.
“I would like to graciously thank you all for coming today. It’s been a long time since we’ve all been gathered together. I almost didn’t think you’d all come. Summerscrest has always been a day of great importance to us, be it both a day to relax and celebrate, in
memorial of the day the prime gods finally sealed the last of the betrayers away, and in the fact that it is this day that the veil between worlds is the thinnest, and that many great things can slip through. Things like ideas from the gods themselves, blessings to help our crops grow strong, or celestial energies to infuse those of us whom might have a greater purpose. Yes, the angelic blood flows through the veins of some of you such as Law Master Alwyn, and High Priestess Hazel.” Talvin began, embellishing his words with gestures and hand motions. The crowd remained silent, a few murmured voices broke through, but quickly silenced again as the man began to continue. “However, I begin to ramble… as I’ve said, everyone was gathered here today in the hopes that we could all be here to witness the grand occasion together for you see today marks the day that the city of Zlane unites with two other great nations.”
Kirran couldn’t focus on the man. His speech was boring. Perhaps the fey blood within him was bored of such an unchaotic speech, but his eyes were quickly entertained by the slight shimmer on the ground about thirty feet away. His eyes snapped to the location where he had seen it, only to find it another fifteen feet over. The shimmer seemed to move through the air with a stunning nimbleness. It quickly darted behind the trees on the groups right. His nose began to twitch. The feeling of a stone began to grow in his stomach. It was uncomfortable.
“Of course, in order to truly understand what I’m saying, I suppose I’ll have to show you what I mean.” Talvin continued with a smile as whispering began to ripple through the crowd. He raised his left hand, the gnarled and wrinkled skin almost ashen and grey. With a click of his fingers, a bout of flames erupted to his side as the opposing side of him shimmered as a spell appeared to be dispelled.
“Greetings. My name is Onolas.” The man that emerged from the flames smiled, his eyes pure white and his skin tinted red. Twin horns curled from his head towards the back of his body, a slender tail protruding from his backside. Long black dreadlocks hung from his head and a large gold ring hung from his nose. A twisted black iron great sword plunged into the stadium before him, causing the shadows to swirl around him as if being drawn towards it.
“…and you may call me Ranzar, Hand of the masked god.” The opposite man continued. His skin a deep eggplant in color and his eyes holding a red tint. His silver hair was slicked back as he held a crossbow pointed out at the crowd.
“What in the bloody nine hells is going on here Talvin.” An angry copper haired gnome shouted as he shoved his way through the crowd. He didn’t even make it to the pond before as steel bolts were sticking out of each of his shoulders. “Wha-“ He groaned as he stumbled forward and landed face first onto the cobbled stones.
“Now, that’s no way to talk to the new lords of Zlane.” Onolas laughed as he waggled his finger towards the gnome. The dark elf grinned as from behind the trees twelve masked figures stepped out wielding crossbows of their own.
“This is treason.” The dirty blonde-haired law master called, as he stepped forward, bolts being deflected by the golden aura that protected him. “You will pay with your blood.” The pale skinned priest of the Crimson Raven shouted, a tomb quickly coalescing in her hands from the shadows around her.
“Right we can’t have that.” Onolas sighed as he snapped his fingers. Shimmering orbs of light surrounded both the high priestess and the law master. Screams and panic began to break out through the crowd as people began to run for the exits.
Kirran looked around wildly. He counted at least 20 shimmering forms that still hadn’t revealed themselves. He shifted closer to the squire and began to tug on her sleeve. She glanced down with the same panic in her eyes that he had. “There’s more…” He whispered. Her eyes widened as she looked around and began to see the shimmering forms.
“Rose. Myra. Get out of here.” Luna and Arden both shouted over the screams of the crowd as bolts began to sail past them, the two knights armor began to glow with differing arcane energies.
“Talvin Superia.” Luna shouted over the screams of the crowd. “Prepare to face your end!” Her blade gleamed with radiant light the moment it was pulled from its sheathe as she began to charge forward, Arden beside her. “You wanted to find us? Well say hello the very vigilantes you’ve been hunting. Behold! The spears of JUSTICE!” Arden shouted as in a flash of violet light, a spear appeared in her hand, crackling with electrical energy. Several more dark elves and fiendlings began to appear from the shadows, blades clashing with the two heroic women, and the others who had begun to fight back as well.
“Saaline. Go, lock down the Arcanium.” Talvin barked at his daughter. “Your brother is already purging the Raven’s Walk district as is.”
“You will do no such thing.” The elven archmagis said. “The Arcanium is under my protection.” Her hands quickly began to trace an ancient rune in the air, causing her form to begin to dissipate. Saaline hissed and snapped her wrist in the direction of the Archmagi, only to have her counter spell countered by the pink haired elf girl behind the archmagi. “Master Fargatoni sends his regards.” The girl grins as Saaline’s face turns into a glare of hatred. “Kill her.” Saaline hissed as the shadows coalesced into the forms of several short fat humanoids with dreadful sores and missing chunks of flesh.
“Rose, Kirran. Let’s go.” Myra hissed as she began to tug them away towards the tunnel they entered from. Kirran’s hands clung to the two girls as his small form struggled to keep alongside them. “Watch out!” He shouted as a large shadow quickly grew until a toad like demon crashed into the ground in front of the tunnel. It grabbed the nearest guard and smashed him against the wall, spraying the grey stone red with gore and viscera.
Myra stopped in her tracks, the toad demon grabbing anyone who got near it and ripping them apart without much hassle. “Okay. Plan B.” She said closing her eyes and muttering a prayer. As she began chanting, a golden glow began to grow from the ground in front of them, taking the form of a golden coloured horse with wings. “Rose. Take Kirran and get out of here.” Myra demanded, taking up a sword from one of the fallen bodies around them.
“I’m sworn to protect you Myra!” Rose argued as she climbed onto the Pegasus behind the small boy. “I can’t leave you here.”
“I Myra Azreal hereby release you from my charge and order you to take this boy and yourself to safety.” She shouts as the Pegasus begins to take off. Bolts fly by and impale themselves into the creature’s sides, and it reared its head in pain, but with a look from Myra, the creature nodded and obeyed its command. It began to race into the sky, as more bolts and blasts of energy flew past it. As they reached about two hundred feet in the air, they began to hear a loud cracking sound. Turning their heads eastwards, their eyes widened in fear as a gargantuan red winged creature wielding a massive greatsword of flame smashed through the side of the Arcanium. Behind it a swarm of black winged demons followed.
“We can’t outrun all of them.” Kirran cried out as his still manacled hands clutched the neck of the Pegasus. His eyes darting over the smoking cityscape beneath them.
“We need a safe place to land and hide.” Rose nodded, holding onto his waist and scanning the city as well.
“What a shame you won’t be getting that girlie.” A voice echoed from beside them. As the duo turned their head, they say the twisted grin of a white-haired woman and a broomstick. “I’ve needed more fey-child blood to add to my collection. How kind of my children to tell me they found one alive and well here on this plane.” Her grin widened, her teeth made of shards of ice. “How convenient for me that your city just happened to be under siege when arrived. Makes kidnapping you much easier, nobody will question your disappearance now.”
“What’s going on?” Rose demanded as the air around them began to grow cold, a freezing mist quickly enveloping them.
“Oh, don’t worry missy. You can join your friend in my realm. It’s not like I haven’t already had the pleasure of acquiring a few other trinkets from your world.” The woman cackled, her form barely visible through the snow storm.
“Hold my hand kid.” Rose shouted over the sounds of the blizzard, clutching at the boy. Without warning the pegasus beneath them seemed to disappear and they were left free falling through the snow and wind.
|
|
Oddy
Playwriter
I'll drip if you swirl.
Posts: 20
|
Post by Oddy on Apr 15, 2018 7:12:07 GMT
CHAPTER FOUR!!! Holy cow! I've been really inspired to write this lately, and i'm loving it! Here we introduce the party in a bit more of a natural element for the theme of the story. This first main chapter if you will, as the duo of Kirran and Rose find themselves within the lair of the witch whom they had encountered briefly at the end of the last chapter. Plus, finally getting to introduce the other main protagonists. Anyway, read on and remember: This is a first draft, so please leave a comment if you have any helpful advice!
Rogue An Arynian Story
Chapter Four: The Realm of Winter
Rose felt cold. Her neck hurt. Where was she? She groaned as she slowly opened her eyes. She was almost blinded by the blinding white that surrounded her. Where was she? She crawled to her feet and looked around. She was lying in a snow-covered courtyard, thick walls of blue grey stone rising up in any direction around her. She saw the motionless form of the boy face down beside her, hands sprawled out above his head, still cuffed together.
“Kid, get up.” She called as she shuffled over to the boy. Her armor was not built for this climate, the metal chains stiff against the stuffing beneath. She reached down and rolled the boy over, his face covered with snow and his skin turning blue. “Kid? Oh, by the gods please don’t- “
His expression shifted as he tried to open his frozen eyes. “What happened?” He mumbled as he wrapped his arms around himself, sitting up in the snow. Rose hadn’t realized how little the boy was wearing, or exactly how young he was. His cloak was old and ratted, not to mention it was made of the cheap material that the citizens of Zlane used during the warmer portions of the year.
“I don’t know.” Rose admitted, as she offered a hand to the boy, pulling him up to his feet. “I don’t think you’re going to the Iron Oubliette anytime soon. So, lets get those cuffs of you while we try and figure out where we are.” She offered, pulling the key to his manacles from her pocket. With swift movements, the key clicked within the lock, and the steel bands were unlocked. They were pulled from the boy’s wrists.
Kirran looked around and shivered. “There’s a doorway over there...” He mumbled as he pointed in front of them, up some frosted stairs leading to an extravagantly decorated entryway to the interior of whatever castle or keep they found themselves in. Several carvings and ice sculptors lined the stairwell upwards, leading up the large boreal doors.
“That old woman probably lives here.” Rose murmured, stiffly moving due to her frozen armor. “I don’t know if it’s safe to go in.”
Kirran sighed, knowing they didn’t have much of a choice. He knew he could deal with the cold, he had fire in his blood after all. She however, would freeze to death within an hour. By all rights, he had no reason to help the girl, but he would feel really bad if he just left her here to die. “We’ve got to go in. We’ll freeze.” He dictated, motioning to her already hard to move chainmail. “
Rose nodded. The kid had a point. She stiffly followed him through the snow-covered courtyard up to the doorway. As they arrived, she gasped as she realized that what she had originally thought to be statues of ice, were actually four female individuals frozen within ice. These four women lined the ascending steps, their faces all stuck in moments of panic and shock as they seem to be retreating from something that was chasing after them.
“Try not to look.” Kirran murmured as he pushed past them. That certainly wasn’t a good sign of things going forward. He had to keep a brave face though, for the girl and for himself. That’s what his mom would do in this situation after all.
“They’re all women… what the hell.” Rose shook her head as she followed the young boy up the steps. As they approached the large door, he held out his hand to stop her, pointing to something on the wood.
“Don’t touch it, it’s trapped.” He explained, motioning towards the screaming demon face handle. His head snapped around, looking for something on the ground.
“How- What kind of trap?” Rose asked, squinting her eyes at the door, not seeing whatever it was the boy had. “Can we do something about it?”
Kirran didn’t immediately answer. His instincts taking over as he reached down and scooped snow into his hand. Compacting it into a ball, he looked at the girl and nodded his head upwards, towards a glowing blue jewel set to blend into the middle of the doorframe. “Some kind of magic.” He muttered as he chucked his snowball towards the jewel. Upon impact, the gem flashed with light and the snow instantly crystalized as it exploded outwards into solid ice, freezing over the gem.
“Woah…” Rose muttered breathlessly. “Is… is it safe now?” She asked, shaking her head. Why was she acting so stupid? She was an Azrealian knight... in training. Still! She should know that people probably trapped their castles from intruders.
“Let’s check.” Kirran contemplated as he threw another snowball at the door, causing it to harmlessly splatter across the wood. “I think It’s good.” He continued.
Rose nodded. The boy wasn’t incredibly talkative, but hey, he was proving useful at least. Hopefully there wouldn’t be many more traps inside. “Alright. Lead the way.”
Kirran pushed open the door to the castle, instantly being greeted by something that he had sorely missed. Warmth. While it wasn’t a blazing fire, or a normal summer Zlane day, there was a noticeable rise in temperature once they had crossed the now un-trapped threshold. The entrance hall they found themselves in was made of the same blue grey stone, with a white fur carpet running down the planked boreal wood floor. The walls were lined with artworks depicting a family of pale skinned individuals, the pointed ears and contempt filled faces dead giveaways to their noble elven heritage. As the duo quietly crept inwards, attempting to embrace the warmth of the room and the escape from the cold, they found themselves unable to relax as before they had walked three feet into the room, the doors slammed shut behind them, a thick heavy wooden plank slamming downwards and locking them within. The haunting cackle of the frosty woman echoed from all around them as the two found themselves surrounded by a sudden pitch darkness.
"Little children, lost in ice
Won't you listen to Granny's Advice
Hurry hurry, cross the floor
For if you stay here you'll live no more.
Here within the wolves do dwell
Keen on sending you kiddies to hell!
So run along, and make haste
For you haven't got much time left to waste.”
An ominous howling echoed through the pitch-black room. Kirran felt Rose hand on his shoulder as the two of them shifted awkwardly towards each other. There was a clicking sound, and a small candlelike flame hovered above the boy’s palm, illuminating the room.
Rose nodded. Vulpine were an odd race, their fey ancestry mixed oddly with different races, often leading to innate magical abilities. “We’ve gotta hurry. Those howls sounded close.” She whispered, looking down the hallway.
The boy’s eyes focused in on the dark area behind the flames dim reach. The discernable shades of grey blurred and distorted as they moved through the room. As they reached the doorway, he turned his head down each corridor, not seeing anything of interest down either way he turned back to his companion. “Both paths look clear.” He whispered, pulling her close.
“We should go left... It’s the first rule of Azrealian knight training. Always follow the left wall, that way you don’t get lost.” She responded as she stuck her hand out and felt along the wall.
A series of source less howls echoed once again, much louder this time. The two looked between each other with a frown. “Let’s go.” He agreed, as they began to quickly walk away from the room they had first entered.
They darted down the hall, passing several locked doors. The howls continued to grow louder, until it felt as if the source should be right on top of them.
“Aah!” Rose screamed as her foot landed on a spot in the carpet that appeared to be covering a small hole. There was a tearing sound as her foot fell calf deep between the floorboards, she tumbled down against the carpet. “Darn.” She groaned as she pulled her foot from the hole in the floor with Kirran’s free hand helping to pull her up.
“We’ve got to be careful.” Kirran whispered as he helped her up.
A vicious snarl echoed from behind them, the two turning just in time to see three pure white wolves padding their way forward through the empty hall behind them. The leader took an offensive stance as it barred its teeth at the duo hungrily. The two behind it both licked their chops and followed suit. They held that position, obviously teasing them, waiting for any sign of movement before they jumped them.
“Kid… can you fight?” Rose whispered, her hand slowly drifting towards her sword, earning her growls from the wolves.
“I have a dagger, but I’m not much of a fighter if I’m honest.” He mutters, panic filling his voice as the knife slides down from his sleeve and into his hand.
“We have to try.” Rose mumbled with a gulp as she drew her blade and brought it down the guard the two of them from the first wolves jaws, knocking it to the side with the flat of the blade.
The second and third wolf leapt forward, one swiping at Rose’s feet, the other barreling it’s head right into her chest knocking her flat onto her back, a loud crack echoing from the floorboards.
Kirran took a deep breath as he lunged forward with his tiny dirk, poking one of the wolves in the rear with the blade. It yelped in more annoyance than pain and turned to face him with blazing anger in it’s eyes.
Rose kicked at the wolves that bore down on her as she felt teeth sink into her forearm. “Damn it!” She cried out as she smacked the pommel of her blade into the skull of the wolf biting down on her, only causing it to bite down harder as blood began to pour from her wound.
The wolf facing Kirran took a deep breathe before snorting out a freezing mist. It’s movements slow, taunting the boy.
“Get. Back.” He hissed, the flame that had been dancing around his hand dissipating as the metal of the blade in his other hand began to glow red hot. In an annoyed rage, his blade slashed out and cut the wolf tormenting him across the face, the heat instantly cauterizing the wound and angering the wolf even more.
Rose meanwhile, snapped her foot at one of the other wolves again, causing it to recoil with a yelp before turning to focus on the boy who was now wielding some form of fire magic. She growled with pain as she pulled her arm from the maw of the wolf that had been clamped down on it. The arm felt numb and cold, the skin beneath the bite appeared purple behind all the blood. In an annoyed fury, she slashed out with her short sword and left a nasty gouge in the chest of the wolf which had bitten her. “Behind you!” She hissed as she turned and saw the wolf she had kicked away begin to leap towards Kirran.
The boy turned quickly and leaped to the side landing with a tumble onto feet once more, causing the wolf to crash down into the other. His eyes locked with Rose as they turned to face the three pissed off wolves once again.
“Reduce my enemies to ashes! Flames!” A fruity female voice called out, before a bright flash of light erupted over the wolves. Flames licked their unblemished white coats, singing them black, as the smell of burning flesh wafted through the air. As the flames neared Kirran and Rose, they uncharacteristically bent around them, as if some invisible force was shielding them from the energy.
“By the light of the platinum dragon! Torment these souls no longer!” A gruff voice boomed as a shiny metallic figure rushed forward through the dissipating flames and slammed a heavy steel maul into one of the wolves, a sickening crack sound erupting from the whimpering form as it was punted to the side towards the young Vulpine.
Kirran didn’t know who their saviors were, but he was glad to have the help. As the wolf was knocked towards him he plunged the blazing blade down into it’s neck, white steam pouring from the wound as the fire and ice magic clashed within the creature.
In a very similar manner, with the flames distracting the wolf in front of her, Rose swung her sword forward and separated the Wolf’s lower jaw from the rest of it’s body, causing it to crumple to the ground in a whimpering mess.
Stepping forward from behind them, a pink haired woman with a brown and black haired cat on her shoulder. “I’ve had enough of this nonsense.” She points her finger towards the remaining wolf, a small bead of red energy shooting forward and exploding in the scarred face. “Shoo. Filthy fey mutts.” She called out as she watched the two remaining wolves begin to slowly back away.
“The lady suggested you RUN.” The metallic figure shouted, his form much bulkier and taller than that of the others. With his words, the two remaining wolves turned and ran down the hall, having lost the numerical advantage they held over the group.
“Are you alright?” Kirran asked, the glow fading from his dagger. The hall was illuminated by small patches of the carpet that continued to burn from the magical fire that had passed over them.
“Allow me to assist the lady, young Vulpine.” The tall figure politely offered, placing a gauntleted hand over the bite wound. He began to say incomprehensible words as his hand began to glow with a golden radiance. As he removed his hand, the puncture marks and the wound seemed to have sealed entirely, although the discoloration was still present.
“Thank you.” Rose muttered as she felt the divine magic seep through her body. She had felt this kind of healing before, from both Lady Myra and Lady Luna. “Thank both of you.” She corrected as she turned to face the pink haired elven woman, who was examining the dejawed corpse of the wolf while stroking her cat thoughtfully.
“Don’t mention it. It would be unbecoming of a lady of the Zephyr Spire to allow such a trifling beast harm anyone.” The woman responded with the unintentional rudeness that often came from those of nobility and scholarship.
“Lady Shastina, I do believe it would be rude of us not to introduce ourselves to our friends here.” The tall armored figure stated with a cough, clearly not as oblivious to social etiquette as his colleague. “I am Silvo, of the Platinum Order. I was sent as an emissary of the Drakeden barracks of the order to the Zephyr Spire in a trade of culture and religion in an attempt to grow the bonds between the Grand Rahit and the Lord of the Zephyr Spire. While there, I was assigned as a guard to the Elven caravan headed for the city of Zlane for the Summerscrest festival.” The figure explained. As he spoke, it became more apparent that while he was wearing armour, there was no helmet on his figure. Instead, his skin appeared to be made of metal. Well, sort of. His scales were metal. He was reptilian in many ways. Rose and Kirran both recognized him as being a Dragonborn. One of the less common, but not altogether rare races in Arynia.
“I suppose I should introduce myself as well.” The woman, Shastina, responded. “I am Shastina Ellenia, apprentice to the master of Evocation in the Alyssum Lyceum.” She responded. “We, along with yourselves, were taken from the… mess of a festival that was occurring back in Zlane.” She explained.
Rose turned between the two new figures and nodded. “Alright. So we all need each other’s help to get back home.” She sheathed her sword. “I am lady Rose Serdoz, squire of house Azrael. My companion is… Kirran, I was charged by my lady to keep him safe.” Rose admitted, leaving out the part about him being a thief.
“It’s really cool to meet you all, but shouldn’t we get moving?” Kirran muttered as he looked around. “That witch could send more things after us.” He reasoned.
“Aha, and let them come young Vulpine.” The dragonborn, Silvo, responded as he bumped a fist against his armor. “For the will of the platinum dragon is with us.” He proclaimed, earning annoyed glares from both Kirran and Shastina.
“Alright. Silvo, Kirran, Shastina.” Rose nodded before turning to face the hall. “Let’s go.”
|
|
Glitter
Administrator
Just trying to work shit out.
Posts: 201
|
Post by Glitter on Apr 16, 2018 9:28:53 GMT
Two chapter in to Rogue so far, so gonna give you a little feedback.
You're doing a good job of giving your audience a mental picture of the world, it's very clearly different to ours and it's mostly been introduced quite organically. There's not been any long drawn out descriptions of the fantasy elements you've just given us casual nudges with things like the furry ears, unusual hair colours, Pegasuses etc. You also did a really good job on showing us the characters of Rose and Myra rather than just telling us who they are and what they're like which was nice.
My critiques so far are firstly, that you need to go back and proofread again because there's some parts where you miss words out that should be there and more importantly that your first chapter pales in comparison to the second. You did a good job in organically displaying the ears and in hinting at disparity against those who look as such but for the most part the chapter felt extremely generic and you did very little to tell us anything about the personality of the character other than they are young, poor and an orphan. As they seem to be your central protagonist, the future chapters need to really develop them as their own person other than "generic fantasy protag in typical fantasy setting". Chapter two was devoid of such character problems though so I have confidence you can do it.
|
|
